I don’t know if this feeling is mutual, exclusive or mutually exclusive but do you ever get that feeling that you are experiencing personal growth and development on steriods?
I am under going one of these phases at the moment, and there have been five or six of them over the last 12 months. My healer (energy balancing and all round spiritual mentor) Maria told me that we move through the elements and each element represents a particular focus (phsyical, emotional, spiritual etc) I don’t remember what element personal growth is but I have established unequivocally that being under this elements sphere of influence literally ignites gundpowder change within me. So much so that I feel like a different person after two or three days rather that over years of work.
Sometimes I don’t notice the changes so clearly and I just get that intuitive ‘knowing’ that something has clicked into place, much like a chiro adjustment or a puzzle. Othertimes the change is really clear and defined - a behaviour or belief that I once held and wanted to change is no longer an issue.
Recently I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated by the actions of another group. I was awaiting the results of a funding application to start a program that I am very passionate about. Unfortunately, the delay and barriers appeared to be coming thick and fast, and then thicker and faster (to date they still are). On one particular day this all consuming project really started to take a toll on my mental health, I was becoming sad, aggressive and diochotomous (thinking in black and white) about the project, people and barriers that were involved.
I knew this wasn’t healthy and I knew that it was increasingly imperative that I simply let go and allow the tea leaves to fall as they would. The challenge was that I simply couldn’t get my brain and my psyche to talk to each other or my body. I was a ticking time bomb about ripe to implode.
It was here that one of these PD on steriod moments occured….whilst driving to my next shift at work I become almost immediately calm, it was almost as tangible as something snapping in my head. Not the bad kind of ‘uh oh’ snapping but a releasing, relaxing, letting go type of snap. Suddenly this project which had consumed my entire space, my entire world for almost 2 months transitioned to a simple project that I was passionate about free from all of the negative, stressful and toxic emotion adn energy that I had lathered on with gusto previously.
It was a welcome relief however initially I was concerned that the snap was not as healthy as it felt. I thought that I had pushed myself to the brink and then just a little further. I started pondering the consequences of having pushed my psyche and my body that hard. For a few weeks I was thinking that my (driven to the dark side) determination and focus would start to build again and that I would be stuck in the same position of waiting until something snapped for some relief. This never happened and with each day of healthy distance from ‘that dark side place’ I came to the realisation that the snap wasn’t bad disgused as good, it was good painly packaged, as good. I give credit here to my many mentors for their gentle nudging towards this conclusion and their infinite wisdom in allowing me to learn this in my own way and my own time.
This conclusion was reinforced when I was faced with smaller projects and barriers over the coming weeks that I was now approaching in a totally different way to my previous ‘standard operating procedure’.
I have come to realise that this smaller projects and barriers where actually training or rehabilitation. They were the small exercises that allowed me to train this new muscle in a safe environment so that next time I am faced with a situation of similar commitment, focus and magituted, I am ‘strong’ enough to gather the good I have to offer and commit it 100% without allow myself to fall to the ‘dark side’ and project unhealthy, negative, damaging energy to that which I am working on.
This was such a small burst of personal development and it definately felt like it was done on steriods. It was not even an element of myself that I was aiming to work on right now. It didn’t matter…in line with my beliefs a plan was already laid out of my choosing and that lesson was slated for now.
I could continue on for hours about all of the mini lessons that have come my way (whether in line with ’my’ plan or the bigger picture one) over the last 12 months in these intense little mini sessions. Instead, I shall leave you for now with a series of quick questiosn for your own reflection….
…when was the last time you experienced growth on steriods?
…what did you learn (can be one thing or many)? …and last but not least
…have you stop to show gratitude for it? Have you said ‘Thankyou’?
Peace and Love,